Turned my back for just a second...

ANCIENT GIRL IS ANCIENT

So I found these when we were clearing out boxes. Now I feel like finding a tape recorder machine, or VCR (was that the name?) and watching all of them, even though I can probably find them on DVD. But I found my PAP Kindergarten's graduation ceremony where I got to perform in my baju kurung and danced to some Sarawak music. Malay trapped in an Indian body, yes that's me. Moving on to more depressing topics, I suddenly feel so old. Fucking 20 in ten months. Heck, I felt old ever since I became an aunt three years ago.

Totally worth it :')

New Found Love

So since I have all the time in the world before school starts (HALLELUJAH!), I rekindled my love for reading. Speaking of rekindling, I really should have bought the Kindle when I was in the US over the President's Day Sale. It really was a good deal, man. Plus, I believe that ebooks are cheaper than books.

But then again, I really want to have my own library in my future home so I decided that I will stop being a borrower (ever since NLB asked me to pay my fines and I INSIST that I'll never pay them) and start being a buyer. When I was in India, I bought 7-8 books and I swear nothing costs over SGD8 there. Not talking about a hardcover, though. And omg, the second-hands were only SGD4 AT MOST. But I don't really fancy reading something which is covered with yellow stains and masala spills.

So anyway, I'm thankful that I managed to find TGWTDT by Larsson, all thanks to the helpful little chap who works by the train station. He wasn't selling the first installment but he offered to run all the way to the other end of the station and get me the book for the price of Rs 350 (which is still a lot less than what thieves are selling here in Singapore).

And then I fell in love.

Not with the book keeper of course but with the book.

I swear, it's a must-read kinda book. Although the initial chapters are a little draggy but I guess that's his writing style? In the second installment, I got to page 250 before finding out the plot so you gotta just bare with the initial stages but once you get to it, it's really thrilling.

Also, I've stopped being straight and am in love with Lisbeth. K thanks bye.

So I came back home but I still wanted more books so I searched for the cheapest ones available here and I came across opentrolley.com.sg. I tried the Book Depository (?) but they were gonna take 4-6 weeks and I just can't deal with that. So I tried OT and they were providing 4-7 days free delivery for orders above SGD50. There was an additional 10% since I bought 4 books, which is fantastic. I mean, they're no Indian prices but $14 for a book is pretty hard to come by. Although the quality is SHIT, I'm just glad that I have more books to kill time with. So I bought Something Blue, by the author who wrote Something Borrowed. I haven't read it yet but if it's anything like Something Borrowed, then it should be fine. She's not particularly a WOW kinda author but once you've read thriller for the past 4 weeks, it's nice to take a break and have a light-reading material.

I bought Big Girl too. I read the back of the book and I thought, 'OMG STORY OF MY LIFE'. Excluding the fact that I'm not a size 14, it seriously depicts my exact sentiments about some of my family members and friends. So I'm looking forward to that.....right after I finish TGWKTHN (omg the acronym is longer than the damn title).

One Little Exception

Let's Be Honest

I sincerely hate the idea of marriage. I don't think people take me seriously when I say that. Maybe because I like to fantasize about my dream wedding and in order for that to turn into a reality, I will have to get married right?

BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

Assuming I have like, a thousand and one proposals from boys, I really despise the idea of marriage and would probably just say no to all 1001 of them. I don't understand why getting married is such a big deal that we, as Muslims, fulfil half of our requirements JUST by signing some stuff and being legally married. I have yet to get a satisfying answer from anybody and if you guys have one, do let me know.

Here's why I don't want to get married:

I hate having to depend on people. I've seen them, I've seen them all. Weak little wives going crazy at the mere thought of losing their husbands. Husbands feeling handicapped because their wives are not there to feed them or something. The fact that you have to be MARRIED to own a flat is already a sign of co-depending, if you think about it. And I absolutely hate that. I wouldn't want someone to bear my responsibilities, even if he's trying to be a hunk or something.

I don't like the idea of needing someone to fulfil my cravings, I don't need him to do pay for my house bills, I don't need him to do "sweet little things" which I then have to tell the whole world because I suffer from attention deprivation.

And it gets worse: Putting your "other half" before your parents. I get sick at the thought of that. How some people can so comfortably do that, I will never understand. I cannot fathom how an ex-STRANGER can actually be your first priority. I get it, people are in love, they do stupid things but this is just beyond stupidity. This is borderline PURE EVIL. I would never want to do that so in order to save myself from that, let me just remain single thank you (ASSUMING I have one thousand and one proposals).

But I guess the main reason why I hate marriage so much is because there is no freedom. I hate answering to people. I hate telling them where I am, what time I'll be back at, who I'm with etc. If I have to live with that in a marriage for the rest of my life, then I might as well stay at home and take care of my parents. I don't need a third parent, thank you.

Anyway, I hate the fact that people always say there's no one to take care of you when you're older. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that's the whole purpose of a marriage. You enter this whole alone, you leave it alone as well. I honestly don't know why people need 'distractions' in their lives. Maybe I'm not against marriage, maybe I'm against the idea of a relationship. Because I've got places to go and people to see. Don't have the time to share myself with another human being. So until I realise the 'beauty' of having a relationship, I am going to reply any questions about me being single with a link to my blog post. Goodbye.

Guys.....

I'VE COMPLETED 31 DAYS OF BEING A VEGAN.

Baby Q's First Day in Punggol Home

And its back to being Baby Q's nanny's assistant. She stepped into the house and said, "Who's house is this?" in perfect Malay. Told her it was Momok's house so she'll behave. Speaking of her speaking in Malay, I'm very pleased that she converse well in Malay. I just hope she doesn't turn out like those people who mati-mati don't wanna admit that they're Malay and be all "Oh no, my Malay sucks!!!! I keep failing it, it's my worse subjectzxZCzxCZ!!!one!!!1!!!"

Just shut up.

Anyway, pictures of her.

Took a cab home and she was crying her heart out, screaming "I WANT TO TAKE A BUS! BRING ME TO A BUS!". I don't think she was being modest. Just saying!

Two days ago, baby cousins slept over! In the morning, while waiting for dad to come home with the car, I took the liberty to make them up showing off my amateur make-up skills. And by amateur, I mean I suck. TAKE A LOOK!

Drove to Jalan Kayu for lunch. Ahhh the perks of living near the expressway. 5 minutes drive and we reached! But honestly, I didn't get the hype over Jalan Kayu. I mean their food is nice, but not FANTASTIC. But I finally found out that I've been scammed into eating at the wrong place. While idiots are eating at the "popular" restaurant next to the car park, I found out that the real jem was actually a 3minute-walk away from it. Had supper there last week and I swear, their roti prata is THE best. I never eat more than one prata but at that place, I could have gone for 4. Maybe 5. So now you know guys. You're welcome.

Please excuse that face.

Mum's order. CAN YOU SEE HOW RED IS IT?!?!?!?!? FOOD DYE OVERLOAD! Luckily they were really nice about it and didn't charge us for it. Seriously..........I think my mum's shit came out red or something.

To be nice, I have to say that their thosais are delicious. I MUST order their paper thosai! I just wish people would stop staring at me,every single time the waiter brings out the thosai. Sighhhhhh fatso behaviour.

HOW CAN SOMETHING SO SIMPLE BE SO DELICIOUS?????

REBLOG IF...

Reblog if you do or have actually cried because of your weight or the way you look.

I was reading Heeqmah's blog when I saw this. She's lucky she's never done that because as a kid, I could never find the strength in me to shun bullies away. And by bullies, I don't mean 10year olds calling me names. Even adults can be bullies, you know. They can be the biggest bullies in fact.

But like Heeqmah, my parents never gave me any trouble or worried about the way I look when I was all chubby and slightly deformed (I believe I was. Maybe still am.) It's actually pretty funny, no make that HILARIOUS, that I'm actually getting more shit from my mum about the way I look right now. But I shall not dwell on that because what else can you expect from an ex-pageant queen.

Looking back, kids didn't really gave me THAT much trouble for being overweight actually. It wasn't like I was being called fat or obese everyday. Maybe once in a while they'll start making rude comments. And when they do, boy did it hurt. Which is why I reblogged that. Because I remember crying myself to sleep, being so disgusted about the way I look. I hate all of my stomach rolls, love handles and ugly face. I was REALLY REALLY insecure but I didn't let anyone know. Because I like to believe that I'm strong.

But it didn't erase the fact that I desperately wanted to lose weight. I remember being my heaviest at 56kg (I was only 1.5m so that's pretty heavy) when I was 12. Everyone around me was so skinny and they all had tiny waists. That's when I decided that it was time for a change.

I think people assumed that I lost weight suddenly (unhealthily or whatever mental diseases they like to think I have). It was a gradual thing. I only lost 3kg in my first year but I did gain 5-6cm during the same period. I have to thank my period for that because I starting shedding weight easily after becoming fertile.

I was 50kg when I was 15. A little chubby. I still had to buy a size M for my green uniform but it didn't matter because I ended up discarding it. It was snug at the waist so I put on my size 40 uniform and I was drowning in them. It definitely gave people the illusion that I lost a lot more weight and that's kinda the purpose actually.

Suddenly when I turned 16, I was down to 45kg. People thought it wasn't normal but I didn't care. It wasn't like I was gonna break into two or something. I could still play tennis every week, PE twice a week, netball everyday. I was still okay.

I don't remember how it happened but throughout the two years in JC, I was so unhappy that I gained 3 kg. I know deep down, it wasn't an unhealthy weight gain or anything because I was so active in sports. I ran a total of 12km per week for tennis and PE, so I gotta be the at least fit. But I did started counting my calories, eating laxatives, and throwing up. It was pretty crazy actually. But I really didn't like being so close to 50kg because I remember how I was like when I was 50kg in 2007. Pretty ugly.

When I got my first office job, it got worse. I was stuck in front of a computer the whole day. There was NOTHING remotely physical I could do. I couldn't burn my calories anymore. So what I did was to have a 1000kcal-limit and it worked very well. I was friggin 40kg at one point. The last time I was forty was when I was 10! And to be that at 18, was an achievement in my eyes. I still continued with the laxatives and calorie-counting. No throwing up anymore for the next one year.

Now, I'm slightly over forty but am still very much unhappy with the way I am now. I don't think I'll ever find an end to this madness. I tried once. And then I got scared when I gained 2 effing kg and starting throwing up again. It's actually pretty scary if you think about it. There's no end. I don't think there is. But the crazy thing is that, I'm actually okay with it.

I went to some doctors and they said I am not severely underweight. I can still do things other people can. It's just that I'm more insecure about the way I am than some people. But I'd like to think that it's a girls' thing. To be insecure. I think it's pretty funny that I'm actually okay with having LSE and not okay with my body. I know it should be the other way round but I can't help it. As long as I'm not hurting anybody but myself, I'm good. That's just the way it is.

Moving Day

The state of my bedroom in Pasir Ris 1 hour before the movers came (I must add that they were rather hot.) and took everything I own:



So I'll be living in Punggol for the next 3-4 months before our new house is ready. I really don't know what to think of Punggol actually. I mean, all I know is newlyweds LOVE to flock here and I think I can see why. It's a nice place, really. Quite clean and everything looks brand new.

BUT ITZ NO PASIR RIS :'(

I honestly do not mind living in PR for the rest of my life but until my parents' house is ready, I guess I'm stuck here. Meanwhile, I'll show you my new temporary room.



After the unpacking's done :

Tomorrow, I'm planning to head out to Pasir Ris at 730am just to say my final goodbyes to the neighbours and err...the trees I guess. But Plan B is to rent a bike and roam around Punggol and see what it has to offer.

GOODNIGHT

Day 14

Woke up today thinking, "Omg. I haven't eaten Ya Kun in two weeks!" and immediately I texted my cousin for a quick lunchdate at Tampz/WS.

AND OMG I HAD TO GO SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES COS I FOOLISHLY PACKED ALL MY CLOTHES INTO BOXES AND SEALED THEM. What the hell am I suppose to wear for another 4 days?!?!?!?!? And of all the things I could buy, I bought a goddamn skirt. The hell. At least with a dress, I'm fully clothed. WHAT IS A SKIRT SUPPOSE TO COVER? DAMMIT.

Lunchdate soon turned into a tuition session. Practically sat with her for three hours, patiently watching her do her Chemistry, History and Malay. But to be honest, we both sucked at Imbuhan so we gave her latihans a miss.

Her baby brother came and did his Amaths and I suddenly miss school damn badly. I too want to be doing some homework. I was so desperate I told A to give me her Chemistry worksheets and I'll do it for her. Obviously, she had the sense to say no. Damn it. Can't wait for another 6 more months till school starts.








Even though they're turning 17 and 15, I will forever consider them as my little babies. Can't believe the youngest is already wearing long pants in school!!!!!! Am I getting old or what?

Anyway, took out my blue strand since the lady did an extremely poor job at it. She obviously didn't like me very much cos I was fighting with her over Rs 20 (roughly about 50cents). But hey, I'm that type of girl who wouldn't pay more than $20 for a piece of clothing. So if someone tries to cheat me 50cents, better pray for safety that's all I'm saying.



See. It's screwed up!!!!!!

13 Days

Just came home from the Motherland last night! It was truly an exhausting trip. I think I need a holiday from this holiday. But this is probably the best India trip I've had. Almost 20 years being Indian, and I've never seen more than Delhi and Agra. But wow, within 12 days I got to see Manali, 2 different parts of Punjab, the usual Agra/Delhi and even the India-Pakistan border (I was literally an inch away from Pakistan!!!!)

Had many firsts on the this trip. First time spending a New Year in a foreign land. First time riding a hill horse towards the Rhutang (I sincerely have no idea how it's spelled.). First time recieving a rose from a man (#foreveralonenomore!). First time bhangra dancing and crumping in a pretentious club. First time riding a tractor. First time drinking Buffalo milk. Many firsts. But I think one of the firsts that I'm more proud of is that I didn't eat any meat (besides fish meat of course) throughout the whole trip. And I intend to keep it that way. For at least 30 days. So this is the 13th day being a pescetarian.

17 days to go!

budding photographer, totally

MOTHERLAND, I IZ COMING FOR YOU!

Boxing Day: A Day for Boxes

I have no idea what Boxing Day is until yesterday when someone said it was the equivalent of America's Black Friday. Nice. And over here, all we got is the Great Singapore Sale.

Getting ready to go to R's party in a bit but before that, gotta share what I've been up to since November.



Finally passed my practical test. All I gotta say is, the traffic policeman was a SAINT. I wish all my friends would get him for their future PTs so everyone can drive! Think of all the amazing road trips omg. But for now, I'm working on my father to get me a car. Which makes me sound like a spoiled brat, I know. However, please bear in mind that my dad's car is a manual. While I do have a manual license, I find driving J's and N's cars (autos) MUCH more enjoyable. Someone said this,

"Driving an automatic makes me feel like a superstar, driving a stick makes me feel like a truck driver."

Couldn't agree more.

I am now, a breakfast kinda girl. 1 year ago, if someone suggests a breakfast meeting I'd just mentally beat the crap out of them. But things have changed and I'm now loving every single minute of the AM! More importantly, some of you might know this already, BUT I LOVE YA KUN. You can see my post about it 4 months ago (don't worry, it's just 2 posts below this) and my feelings towards Kaya Peanut Toast and Teh Peng Siew Dai (sp?) have not changed. If I ever become famous, I'll shamelessly approach Ah Kun's children and asked them to sponsor me toast every morning (because $4.20 every morning will hurt my wallet realistically speaking).

I've tried LJS breakfast for the first time with A and N and it's okay I guess. Maybe because I was counting calories so I opted for something barely there which is toast bread and butter over their delicious-looking turkey bacon toasts. Counting calories is a tough job, man.

I've been trying to be a domestic goddess by cooking for the family more often. Nothing fancy, just pasta, pasta and more pasta. And I don't even make my own pasta LOL. But I'm gonna venture into Malay dishes in 2012! I gotta familiarise myself with lengkuas, serai and sambal belacan. Indian cooking will forever be done by my mum so I'm not gonna learn that till I'm marrying an Indian man (LOL AT THE THOUGHT OF ME MARRYING A MAN).

Baked a cake for Baby S's first birthday! Theme was COLOURS and I did what I could. Her mummy said it was nice but I honestly think she was just being polite because looking back, I accidentally halved the amount of flour required so I don't even know how THAT tastes like. I hope the guests are still alive.

Going to India Round II this Thursday. We won't be sticking to New Dehli like we always do. The plan is to get in a car as soon as the plane lands at I.G Airport for FIFTEEN hours to Manali (not Manila, that is a different city which can be found in Singapore). Then to Punjab where we're gonna be fat arses stuffing ourselves with Punjabi food (loads of Ghee, BRING IT ON) and then a one-day trip to Agra to see my wedding venue (LOL AGAIN AT THE MENTION OF MY MARRIAGE), the Taj Mahal, and then N.Delhi to visit my family.

Meanwhile, I need to iron my party outfit okbye.

Christmas Eve

Tried the dark, vampey look just now and I gotta say, I'm not hatin' on it. Maybe I'll replicate this look for Monday's party. Maybe. If I want to give R's mum a heart attack.

Blogger tells me that my last post was made on Jul 17. I honestly didn't think it was THAT long. But it's time for a fresh start so I figured, why not start posting today?

Dotz Will Connect

Had a very good Sunday today! I was suppose to go to work but while I was on my bed contemplating which territory I should terrorise today, Sharifah texted me for a meet-up and 30 mins later, we were having toast and teh peng for breakfast.

Omg, before I continue...

I LOVE TOASTED BREAD SO MUCH.

Honestly, I was never a breakfast person. I used to wake up everyday at noon and skip breakfast, thinking that I would lose weight that way BUT NO. I mean, I am not trying to lose weight NOW or anything but having breakfast is so important to one's health. Ok it also depends on what you eat for breakfast BUT HOW HARMLESS IS TOAST? Very,very harmless okay. Not to mention it's toasted BROWN bread hor.

Okay la, I am a bit guilty for saying this but I spam peanut and kaya (and sometimes I'll do butter with CONDENSED MILK) on my bread. BUT IT'S SO DELICIOUS, WHY HASN'T ANYONE INTRODUCE ME TO TOASTED BREAD BEFORE?

Speaking of breakfast, I am a changed person. Like I said, I was not a morning person. BUT NOW I TOTALLY AM. And to make it extra special, I love having my breakfast alone. It is truly ze best feeling in the world. I know that some people have still not master the art of eating alone. Totally understandable, with one's nature of needing people to feel safe or simply being LSE. Sometimes it's a pity because honestly, being a loner during breakfast is just so awesome. Especially when it's at 7:36am (must be specific one hor), and it's so quiet that you can have the luxury of mentally preparing your day and just people watch. Ok la, most of the time it's not fun to people-watch because the people that you are watching are usually office aunties and uncles with sweatpitts and looking all-tired after squeezing into trains with four thousand other people...

But that's not the point. The point is, having breakfast alone is awesome. And people should really try it. End of story.

So anyway, met Sharifah for Ya Kun (can't believe I had EIGHT slices of toast.) and then her classes got cancelled so I decided to show her my Pasir Ris.

Brought her to a God damn fish farm. HAHAHAHAHA

And then we saw Fish Spa and she hasn't try it before so WE DID IT!




It was seriously very traumatic, even for me. BECAUSE I SWEAR, THOSE FISHES WERE PIRANHAS. They were HUGE and were crowding before us and I sincerely thought that they were going to bite my feet off if I even dared to put them inside the pond.

Would you put your feet into this?

Tried to be a Bollywood heroine and put my feet into the pond, only to lift them up after three seconds because they were just CHEWING MY LEGS OFF.

Fine, they weren't chewing them off. But there were only 300 fishes and only a pair of feet so it seriously felt like it.

Sharifah being a pussyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

After 20 mins, we finally put our feet in and it was a torture for the first 30 seconds. I don't know why it felt so weird this time because I generally have a very good experience at fish spas.....like I said, they were secretly piranhas.

A picture of my feet- OH RIGHT YOU CAN'T SEE THEM BECAUSE THE FISHES WERE VICIOUS.



Sharifah's feet looked good though. Maybe cause hers were cleaner than mine.

Feeling good after a while. BRING ON THEM FISHES.

A third pair of feet joined us. They belonged to a rather friendly man who was quite brave actually. Ok no la, he wasn't macho at all because he waited till we went first then he went for it lor.

#numberoneannoyingface

Feet felt absolutely soft after that. I mean,what else would you expect after being attacked by a country of them.... Would I do it again? Yes. Sharifah and I have decided to go for fish spas every fortnight in pursuit of baby-bottom feet. Seriously the feeling of having soft-ass feet is so awesome. BUT I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT PLACE AGAIN UNTIL THEY TAME THEIR FISHES.





Standing on top of Sharifah's favourite bridge. God knows why she has a favourite bridge....




OMG THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO TONIGHT SO GOODBYE!

Ok not really, I just want to enjoy the rest of my night feeling my velvety feet. HEHE.